ELECTION WINNER

[Dudee]

A gaping interview!


Here is an exclusive interview we had with a winner and a loser in the recent elections.

Q: So sir, how come you lost the election?

LOSER: Bhai, it’s simple. I got less number of votes than him.

WINNER: I agree entirely, no quarrel about it.

LOSER: See, I am committed to giving him constructive cooperation. Also, I have conceded defeat.

Q: Concede? You couldn’t have claimed victory anyway. What were the crucial issues you both took up?

WINNER: The late arrival of the monsoon last year. I promised to get it earlier this year. Why are you gaping like a fish in the bucket? Oh, in case I fail? Friend, a politician never fails! We will find a credible explanation – like the Opposition’s negative role while the clouds begin to gather…You are gaping again! You see, the bright janata that believed such promises in the first place would remain bright enough to appreciate our explanations also! No worry at all.

LOSER: Yes, you had stolen my monsoon idea, ha,ha! So, I promised technology by which housewives would not have to cook. Every thing readymade. It was meant to reduce their workload.

WINNER: That’s where we scored. We turned your own campaign against you. That you were against housewives, you were taking away their greatest privilege, their birthright, their instrument of home control. We reminded housewives of the adage – the way to man’s heart lies through the stomach.

Q: What are your plans?

LOSER: Of course, constructive cooperation. Like trying new methods of conducting strikes, arranging roadblocks, collecting crowds for protest marches…You see, democracy is incomplete without them. Even our most gentle-hearted voters expect the losing parties to fulfil this role — very gracefully, of course. No hospitalisation.

WINNER: I will devote all my time to bringing down prices. Oh, you are gaping again, this time like a dog that has dropped a bone into the drain! I know it’s a difficult task. I will promote detachment, an aversion in people’s minds towards shopping, buying worldly things… When demand falls in the market, prices too will fall automatically! After all, price control was one of my main promises.

Q: Any message to our masses?

LOSER: It’s not necessary to be in power to serve them. Now, I have all the time to establish good contacts while studying the underworld, investment agencies, etc. Also I will get to know legal nuances while facing the charges and inquiries about my wealth. My language skills will also improve while levelling allegations of all kinds against the ruling party. A very constructive phase, in a way, you see.

WINNER: First of all, I want to thank from the very deep bottom of my heart my revered leader who gave me the ticket to fight the election. Am grateful to his respected parents for bringing such a noble one into this world. Our masses should be grateful to bhabhi ji also for keeping him fit to serve them. Above all, they should be prepared to make bigger sacrifices than ever before in the long- term interests of our great nation..